A few weeks back I was having a slow lunch with the children during which they were telling me all about the shows they were currently watching and the things happening with their friends. One thing led to another and soon they began to reminisce about situations when we had disciplined them over the course of the last year. They narrated with mock horror and a generous helping of exaggeration, all the "crimes" we committed against them. The single loudest complaint was unanimously made by our older two, who said that we went way too easy on the youngest because apparently, he was our favourite!!
Whattt?? I don’t have favourites and my husband absolutely doesn't have favourites! 'What absurd nonsense was this' I said vehemently. They went on to elaborate how punishments were lighter for the small fry and how he got away with almost everything just because of his cute face.
As they went on, I looked over at said cute face and realised that it was not a case of favouritism but more an issue of our laziness. You see, this boy was the most emotional of the three. He would say the most absurd of things and we let him get away with it because if we pulled him up, his lips would quiver and his eyes would fill up with tears so quick that we would be caught off guard. He didn’t talk back or push us around like his older siblings but he would walk around with his shoulders hunched in mock sorrow and shame until we noticed and sat him down. Why do I say ‘mock’ because as we spoke to him and tried to sort out his feelings we would see the hint of a sweet smile inching across his face as he relished the one on one time he got with us. He could absolutely not handle defeat in something as simple as a game of Sequence or UNO. He would either flip the board "accidentally" or insist on re-matches till he won. (He ceased being cute after the third re-match!)
He was a third born with a couple of third-born issues. We had gotten laid back, in how we led him. We had allowed ourselves to be lulled into the false sense of completion when it came to him. Unfortunately, although the older children felt he got away with murder, the real issue was that we had let this child cruise into a cute but potentially deadly roller coaster of pure emotions.
As you probably know, emotions can be indicators but not dictators!
The emotional quotients of his older siblings were shaped by consistent discipline and steady monitoring by our watchful eyes. Somewhere, somehow we had started to snooze and this guy was running the show with his tears and tantrums.
Over the past ten days or so, we have begun watching his meltdowns and walking him through managing those moments. We are working on closing our eyes to the cuteness (momentarily) and keeping our senses tuned to who God wants him to be for the future. I see him being a man of strong convictions with an easy-going nature, yet highly competent in the world he will find himself in.
Our work is cut out for us in shaping his heart and mind for the times we live in and laziness in our parenting will not do him or his siblings any favours. As I write this, I wonder if you have been having any issues of laziness in areas of your life which needs you to be fully present and watchful.
If we sleep on the job- our marriages, children, families and communities will gradually decline and before we know it, things could become irretrievable. Can we straighten up and come alive to do what we need to do?
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