PROCESS THE PROCESS

By Christine Jayakaran

Have you noticed how we are innately result oriented? Blame it on our educational system where test scores are valued more than the learning method or corporate structures where appraisals are rated based on targets achieved rather than the routes taken for those very targets to be reached. Over breakfast this past week my husband just dropped this thought into my head. He said 'God cares more about the process than the result. He takes care of the results but He is very interested in the process that precedes it'

I mulled over this for a couple of days and then began to see it take shape and new meaning in my life. I have been struggling for a few months now with a painful health issue and I have been waiting for healing and complete recovery. As with any delay, this delay has been getting me vexed and a little antsy. I have been grappling with questions like 'How much longer?' and 'Where's my miracle?' for a while with no answers coming my way. It then struck me that my healing is a process. It is not a lightning bolt moment of instantaneous results but a slow yet steady, hidden yet relentless process. The process has taught me to take my eyes off the pain and discomfort and fix it on Jesus. When my eyes are fixed on my situation I feel cloudy and muddled up. I end up wasting precious mind space on being anxious or thinking of eventualities that might never happen. Fixing my eyes on my Heavenly Father is an experience akin to what happens to Elsa at the end of the movie 'Frozen'. After her sister dies the snow storm which is raging around her goes into pause mode and then Anna returns to life, Olaf the sweetest snow man recounts the most brilliant line in movie history 'Only an act of true love can melt a frozen heart' . On that note Elsa lifts the snow and ice off the ground and banishes the winter and summer returns to the town of Arendale. As the snow lifts, their visibility radically improves and they see things for what they truly are. Including Hans, the two faced impostor and villain of this movie whose butt then Elsa gets to kick. Here's the thing, our circumstances may seem foggy, overcast and maybe even murky but fixing your eyes on the source of true and perfect love is the only way the fog lifts and our perspective changes. We get to kick negativity's butt along the way and really focus on the things that need our attention and time. I urge you to Lift up your eyes!

The process has taught me to ask the right questions so instead of 'how much longer' I ask him 'What should I learn through this?' . Instead of 'Where's my miracle?' I ask 'What is the miracle that I should be aware of today? (No matter how mundane it is'). I'm telling you, it has been amazing. Watching my baby communicate with his older siblings about cartoons he watches is one of my miracles since this guy could barely speak a few words the same time last year. Watching my daughter practice ballet and then seeing her giggle while her dad stands on his toes is miracle enough. Hearing my son tell me how an enemy turned into a friend at school is close to heaven on earth for me. The miracle is in the mundane.

The process has taught me to embrace change. I'm an intense creature of habit. I order the exact same thing at my favourite restaurant, i am a rigorous scheduler and I'm resistant to changes in my routine. I have had to be gracious about allowing interruptions sweep into my life and not fret and fume over it. I have also had to make some lifestyle changes that seemed tedious at first but are showing positive results and I'm better for it. Change is never easy but its necessary.

The process is not just for me but for all of humanity. This helps me view relationships and friendships through new lens. I now see how others' journeys are shaping them and in turn they shape me. I know it will make me less judgemental and more accommodating of those that I do life with. Longer ropes didn't kill anyone instead they allow more space to move and grow!

I know I will be well soon until then though I will enjoy the process. I don't know what you could be going through right now but know this, your process is meant to make you stronger and better not to waste or diminish you. Go through the process finding joy at every turn and the ride will be over before you know it!