REJECTS REJOICE

By Christine Jayakaran

My son has been in the process of being coached for his school cricket team and its been a rigorous few months. After all the hard work and grueling routine to his utter disappointment he didn't make the team. I have a confession here. My husband and I were hopeless at sports. We were not remotely athletic. He was a musician and me a bookworm. So when our oldest was selected for tryouts we were overjoyed. When he didn't make the team I distinctly felt a twinge of sadness for my boy who had been so thrilled by the sport and the aura surrounding the game. We allowed him to grieve his loss and watched as rejection began its sweet yet hard work on him. On watching him this past week I realised that rejection is such a good thing. Yes you heard me right. Rejection was what my son needed for the following reasons.

Rejection makes us value acceptance a whole lot more

Being rejected makes us look at acceptance with new found appreciation. It takes the skepticism and cynicism out of being accepted. Our daughter watched him hurt and told him not to worry because he was a good older brother (adorable right?). Ordinarily he would have ignored her or brushed it aside but that day he smiled at her sweet innocence and graciously accepted the compliment.

Rejection humbles us (in a good way)

Oh boy is that true. We may think we are super man or Wonder Woman (without the cape and that micro mini skirt) but nothing like a healthy dose of rejection to bring us a couple of notches down and help us breathe the air that regular mortals breathe.

Rejection reveals any underlying identity issues we may have

Until we face rejection on some level we attribute our successes and sometimes our very existence to certain talents or abilities we exhibit. Once rejection slaps us though that self constructed edifice starts to totter. I think the key thing is to shift focus off our abilities and look deeper into our true identity. Our son is a math and science freak. So after the failed tryouts his friends have consoled him by saying 'Don't worry dude, you're a nerd anyway. Sport isn't your thing' (Consoling isn't your thing either boys!!!)

He came home full of questions about who he was and what he must pursue in the future. He looked just about ready to quit sport entirely much to our dismay. We spent a lot of time with him just reiterating how his abilities in his studies was no accident and that being a 'nerd' was a great thing! We also had to help him understand the importance of not giving up and staying the path that he was on. He finally came to an understanding of how sport would always feature in his life maybe not as a career option but as a form of recreation and a source of fun and relaxation.