REWRITING THE SCRIPT

Por Christine Jayakaran

07 de July de 2020

Hello fellow earth dwellers. You are probably also in the throes of a lockdown or at least in a situation with a lot of restrictions. Who thought this year would be one of such weirdness like being stuck at home for the better part of 3 months, learning to WFH (which I initially thought was an expletive until I figured out that it meant work from home!), living our lives entirely online from prayer meetings to catch ups with friends, wearing masks like a new fashion accessory and investing deeply in the sanitiser and disinfectant business!

I enjoy staying home but I miss having the option of being able to go out when I need to. I love my children passionately but I also passionately miss the time that they spend in school during the week. I deeply value my space but I am a sucker for having people over and spending time around our dinner table.

I have despised technology in the past but now have gotten very dependent on it for social connection with family and friends. I have hated spending long hours in the kitchen but have been forced to dwell there more, thanks to the lockdown. I have a dislike for phone conversations and prefer face to face exchanges but not anymore for it has proved invaluable in checking in on friends and church family.

It's weird how this season has changed all of us in so many ways- the way we pray, the way we plan, the way we work and the way we rest. I found that for me to adapt to this time of unrelenting chaos I have to had to work on my mental script. For anyone who has written a script for a play you know that you write a first draft and begin to work using that, but as rehearsals begin, changes need to be made to make the script more relevant, believable and sometimes more suited to the actors who are playing the roles. The script writer has to be open to re-writes and edits as they move forward and cannot afford to be fastidious or fussy.

Over the past three months I have had to repeatedly change my mental script to stay committed to the things I am required to do and the things I love to do. It wasn't easy because I'm such a stickler for process, to-do lists and routine but boy.. have those gone out the window!

Every single day looks different! Some days are so hectic that I need to just lie down for a breather at 10 AM after the littlest guy finishes classes. You read that right - 10 AM not PM (you try to convince him to do reading and writing then you can judge me all you want!)

I realised that I have never been the spontaneous type and in order to navigate a lockdown situation I needed to up my ‘spontaneity game’ for the sake of my children. I had to tell myself that it was okay that I ditched house work to play a board game just after breakfast. (Ha, the control freak in me is ROFL for this!)

Working out used to be a do or die situation for me and now it's more like dead. I have been teaching myself to relax on my gym mat with music in the background and just take deep breaths. I go for a walk if I wake up early enough to sneak out and back before the children start classes. I am finally okay with gaining those few extra pounds because I'm grateful to be alive, to be with my family, and to be munching on Haldiram's snacks with the hubby at tea time (why I didn't snack for 35 years beats me- I feel like I missed out on a huge part of being Indian!)

I follow a whole lot of nature and wildlife profiles nowadays on Instagram and I find that they are so relaxing and de-stressing after a day's work (mouse lemurs have the smallest brains of all primates- approximately 2 grams.. Whatttt!! Plus I sound so knowledgeable to my children!!!) Creators of memes are also those who have my greatest respect because they can turn normal happenings into the most ridiculously funny stuff. They have given me many moments of much needed laughs during these months! These profiles are instantly de-compressing compared to some of the content that the rest of humanity feels compelled to churn out.

The long and short of it is that, to adapt to this time in history I have learned to adapt. It's been downright difficult to do so but it has been necessary. I don't assume to know what you have had to adapt to- but I know you have probably done your share of adapting and adjusting. If you haven't and you are struggling with the newness and absurdity of it all - I suggest you rewrite your mental script. You may have imagined that you should come out of a lockdown with greater discipline, insane cooking skills, tighter abs or an air tight financial plan. Instead why not be realistic and concentrate on allowing your mind to reset every day believing that 'that you will make it through each day strong- that you will love God more- that you will cook simple, healthy meals with a healthy serving of love - that your fitness levels will maybe just involve cleaning your home- that you will control your finances and not let it control you.'

Our mental script will determine our emotional and physical strength while also making us relationally more equipped for such a time as this.

I'm learning to keep my mental script simple and uncomplicated. I'm becoming open to my script being constantly changed because I'm hoping that ultimately it will make me a more versatile human.

As I write this, I realise with mild guilt that all the 'problems' I mentioned are "first-world problems" which are nothing compared to what the poor and destitute are facing right now in India and world over. In re-writing my mental script though, I have embraced the two women who work for me at home as my older sisters. I used to look at household help as just that but now I see them through very different lens - as women of incredible substance, with tough lives but tougher spirits and a refreshing sweetness that takes the edge off life.