THE REVELATION

a short story

By Christine Jayakaran

Anu had a picture perfect life. Or so it seemed to everyone who met her. Anita, Anu for short, had a smart, well employed husband, two beautiful little girls with smiles that could brighten anyone's gloomy day and a house that looked like something straight out of a home decor magazine. Anu worked from home so she could look after her girls, her older one, Zara, being a sprightly four year old and the baby, Maya, a chubby little 6 month old with a cheeky countenance.

Anu used to be a full time fashion consultant at a large fashion house until Zara had arrived on the scene. She had then taken the job of mum and home maker full on and loved every minute of it. She took great pride in keeping her home looking vibrant and fun while making it look lived in thanks to the antics of her little one. When Zara turned three and was a little more independent, Anu decided to dive back into the fashion world and pick up where she left off. This was easier said than done! She realised (in shock) that in the three years that she had been on a break the industry had moved ahead at breakneck speed. What was worse was, it felt like a new generation of KIDS had taken over the playing field and attempting to level it, was proving futile. Adding to all this drama, Anu discovered that she was pregnant again much to her surprise and her husband's delight. Talk about mixed feelings. Zara sensing that she would be pushed into the background with the impending arrival of baby number two began to rebel and make her presence felt. Work was downright hard what with morning sickness and the competing against these youngsters who looked so effortless in their well, efforts. Anu began to feel overwhelmed and downright blue looking at how much she lagged at work and at the inevitable chaos that ensued.

On the home front, Zara who was in the midst of being potty trained decided that any space with a carpet was her potty zone!! Anu was pretty sure it would have been easier toilet training a goat! Her usually patient and attentive husband Vivek was in the midst of a corporate restructuring at work and so was more than a little distant and caught up in his own world. Her carefully crafted work and home balance was starting to topple. Anu decided to then stop being held at gun point by her circumstances and decided to make some changes. She enrolled Zara at a crèche after preschool and she began reading up avidly on all things fashion and gradually became more up to date with trends. She found she had more to contribute at work and when Zara was back home she could give her undivided attention all the while nourishing and preparing for her soon to arrive bundle.

Maya arrived bright and early on a sunny morning in June and was joyously welcomed by her big sister and parents amidst the cacophony of a busy Chennai private hospital. Anu and Vivek were thrilled with their little family of four and sound found it to be hectic, what with Zara going to school, Anu looking after the newborn while trying to stay abreast of things happening at the office and Vivek with a newly got promotion at work. It was hard keeping it all together and sooner than expected Anu felt herself unraveling. Yes, she wanted to get back to work but she wanted to be there for her girls. She wanted to make her mark on the fashion world but she didn't want to neglect Vivek or their home. To stay in the sphere of fashion and beauty she had to be presentably fit but she just felt like a blow up doll only with not so perky attachments. She stopped looking at herself in the mirror afraid of what she might see. She didn't believe Vivek anymore when he said she looked 'Hot' nor Maya when she called her 'Pretty Mamma' . Anu called her boss and asked for a 6 month extension on her maternity leave, she didn't care that she would have no salary for that duration. She just needed to figure herself out she said to herself. She soon found she didn't have the time to just sit and think . There was always poop to clean, Puke to wipe, runny noses to clean and cooking to be done. Pick ups and drops needed to be done while laundry and dishes didn't do themselves. The work seemed never ending and the tasks quite thankless. It felt like forever since she took a walk or wore makeup or even spoke with friends. What was happening to her she wondered often and why did she keep crying in her broom closet when the kids were asleep. Why did she feel like Vivek wasn't talking with her as much as before and why did she feel like Ursula the sea witch with the bad hair and shapeless body to boot. (was she watching too much of Little Mermaid with Zara?) Was she overthinking things or were they really bad?

This afternoon Anu, as has been the case for a while now, is lying listlessly on the couch while her baby coos softly beside her on her baby gym mat playing animatedly with the hanging toys. Zara watches Sofia the princess on Disney channel and multitasks by drawing on pieces of paper. Anu is wearing track pants and a baggy shirt stained with turmeric and God knows what else on it and lies still looking at the ceiling wondering what her life has become. To be honest she doesn't have the energy to think it through further so she allows herself to be lulled into a soft slumber. As with all children, as if on cue, just as she begins to fall asleep heavily she feels an impatient tug on the sleeve of her T - shirt. She cracks open her eyelids and sees Zara's cherubic face looking right at her. Before she could snap at her, Zara says she has a gift for her. Anu sits up with a struggle and then with a tired smile asks for her gift which Zara with a lot of fanfare presents to her. It's a handmade card. Anu opens it and sees the words 'I love you mum' scratched across the paper in colourful crayons and decorated with an overload of stickers. Anu hugs her and says she loves her too and is just about to lie down again when she sees three other cards lying on the floor beside the crayon box. Curious she asks Zara who those are for. Zara looking very pleased with herself says its for her daddy and Maya. Anu persists and asks her who the third card is for to which Zara shyly mumbles that it's for herself. Anu asks her to show the card that Zara made for herself. Zara reluctantly hands it over to her mum and then sits down beside her watching her face. Anu opens the card and begins to cry. She cries so much she startles both her girls. She gently places the card down and carries Zara into her lap and cradles her. She then takes Maya with her other arm and takes turns kissing them and smelling their hair. The girls in turn kiss their mumma's nose and tug on her bedraggled hair all the while snuggling on her soft body enjoying her warm embrace and cuddles. That evening when Vivek walked through the door he saw the woman he loved... a woman who seemed different... transformed somehow. Sure, she wore baggy tracks and a stained T-shirt but her hair was pulled up into a top knot revealing a face that glowed, glowed with joy and a certain peace. She was in the middle of playing catch with Zara with Maya clinging on for dear life on her shapely hip. Their laughter was infectious and soon he joined them, ditching his briefcase and tie for the pure joy of running and catching his beloved girls. That night after dinner Anu snuggled with Vivek while they watched their favourite show and said she had made a decision. He looked down at her with a concerned expression since her decisions had been rather life changing (ulta-pulta-fying more like!!) in the past. She smilingly pats his hand and says she is going to be an online fashion consultant. He has no clue what that is he says nervously. She patiently explains that she will get to work for her company's online shopping app as a stylist who will help put together outfits based on different body types and to style clients so that they feel and look confidently beautiful. He gets it he says but will she be happy he asks? She says she wants to be all she can be for herself and thereby be her best for him and the girls. He asked her what made her decide all this, to which she gestured at a small homemade card laid safely beneath a coaster on their coffee table. He picked it up and in it saw these words sweetly scribbled 'I LOVE ME'.

Vivek looks at her with tears in his eyes and hugs her close. 'Maya?' He asks softly. Anu nods and with a catch in her throat says 'I had forgotten to love me hon. Not anymore!'