UNEXPECTED MOTHERHOOD

By Christine Jayakaran

May 19^th, 2020

Mother’s day is always one of mixed emotions.

Mainly because I realise just how unexpected it was that I even became a mother.

I had an epileptic episode as a pre-adolescent which put me on medicines for 12 years. Whether that was the best course of action for me I don’t know. All I know is that for the better part of my adolescence I had severe fatigue, tremors in my hands and the ensuing low self-esteem (That may have just been a regular side effect of being a teenager!). What I didn’t know was that doctors had told my parents that as an adult I would not be able to have children because of the kind of drugs I was on. Fast forward to when I turned 21 and met this amazing guy who became my husband two years later. He knew the background on my health but he never saw me through the lens of anything less than the woman he loved. We were pleasantly surprised when we discovered I was pregnant in a matter of two months. I remember telling my parents and only seeing worry in their eyes not understanding what they were feeling or thinking. While my pregnancy was normal for the most part it was during my 2nd trimester month scan that they did a routine scan of the baby and found a cyst in his brain- a choroid plexus cyst. I studied medical biotechnology and had a keen interest in genetics specifically, so imagine my fear and consternation when I saw the scan reports. I began to get intensely worried, imagining all kinds of possibilities when my mother sat me down and in a calm voice said this “We are going to pray that this cyst will disappear. Don’t worry - Just pray”. We did just that for the next 2 months until I was scheduled for my repeat scan. I go in there and would you believe it - the radiologist had a hard time locating any kind of cyst in my baby’s brain! My God had done it! It wasn’t us - It was Him! When Caleb was born I remember seeing my mum hold him with tears in her eyes. Six months later she told me what my doctors had said exactly about the dismal future they saw for me. She wept as she said how it killed Dad n her to hear the prognosis over my life. She never lost hope though and kept covering me in prayer.

Fast forward to four years later, I was pregnant with my second baby after a miscarriage a few months before. I was put on complete bed rest and was given HCG injections once a week to prevent another miscarriage. In the first trimester scan the doctor was alarmed that I didn’t have something called a corpus luteal cyst. Apparently that is essential to producing progesterone in the body which maintains the pregnancy. The doctor was afraid that I would lose even this baby so I was made to completely rest until my next scan. I came home quite sad because I had an active 3 and a half year old who I couldn’t do much with plus I was petrified that I would miscarry again. My mother again - same woman of faith - held my hands and said “let’s ask God again-this time to create this corpus whatever cyst (her words) out of nothing and preserve this child". We did that until the next scan and oh my gosh- there was the cyst clear as day on the scan!! My sweet doctor of course thought her injections had something to do with it but my mum and I knew better! Our God was working overtime to trump the wisdom of my doctors. The day before my baby girl was born I rushed to the hospital at 3 am because of contractions and as they checked me the doctor asked me to get a medicine from the pharmacy to pause the contractions until she could operate on me the following day. My husband and I walked down to the pharmacy where a very sleepy pharmacist attended to us and gave us the prescribed drug. As we got into the car I was in a lot of pain so I thought Ill pop the drug in when something about the drug’s appearance felt different. It didn’t look right - I turned over the tablet and there was no drug name on it. Something - call it women’s intuition - made me ask my husband to go to another pharmacy down the road and ask for the same drug. We go there and the drug he gives me as a whole strip (with the name printed on the back) was completely different! The next morning when I met my doctor she was livid when she heard what had almost happened - she looked at the unnamed medicine and said to me "Only God has protected your baby from something untoward happening in the last minute."

Holding Celeste in my arms was like being kissed by Heaven- I had the daughter I had never dreamt I would have! Two years later when our son Calvin arrived all I could say was that God had been overwhelmingly kind to me, my husband and our parents. All of my doctor’s declarations over my life came to nothing in the awesome presence of Christ.

Today motherhood for me is cherished. I don’t ever want to forget the kindness I was shown in being made mother to these 3 precious heaven sent gems. I have my bad days - I have said some mean things to them when upset, have gone back on my word a couple of times, and lost my cool for some very silly things (which we now laugh about). At the end of the day though, I somehow worm my way back into their arms and hearts for they are - my undeserved blessings, our unexpected treasures, the answers to their mother and grandmother’s prayers and irrefutable proof of a Living God.

If today, you are still in the wait or if the journey to motherhood has been exceptionally painful for you-I want to say to you that you can find purpose in where you are at currently. Nothing is wasted in this life- so don’t give up hoping but also, don’t give up living.

If you are a single mother with the huge task of caring for your little ones without the help of their father- you are a super hero because you do the job of two as one. As much as you think they miss a father- they need a mother who is confident in who she is and who constantly points them to the best father around- our Heavenly father. Don’t lose hope- your children will be your greatest reward!