Validation Desperation

By Christine Jayakaran

Over the past few weeks I noticed I was getting stressed over the weirdest things. Things that have never before upset me. Issues that were usually non- issues for me (or so I thought).

I found I was grappling with suppressed anger and for what-I didn't know. So I decided to look deeper into myself and here’s what I discovered. Horror of horrors- I had a crazy need for validation! This imaginary validation form was not given to anyone and everyone. Nope it was just those closest to me (I know!! Poor people who have invisible forms that they must fill out with all the right answers !) The thing about this weird desire is that it created a tidal wave of disappointment which then drowned otherwise sedate and poised relationships. It created a just- beneath- the surface kinda simmering anger situation that threatened to boil over any second (God help you if you stood in the way of that). It also created a faint disdain towards said people that made me completely avoid interaction with them for fear of saying the wrong thing or showing them how they actually made me feel (my face gives me away every single time!)

Why was the lack of validation making me so upset? Why did I care what anyone thought of me? Why did I allow people that much room into my head that their opinions (or the lack thereof) actually bore weight? This was getting out of hand and so I put a resounding stop to it! I just stopped this nonsense in its tracks.

This is what I decided ~

I will live my life in such a way that it pleases God. I will not hurt people in my words or actions but I'm done trying to please everyone because that just corrupts my motives and attitudes of the heart.

I will be intentional in relationships where my opinion is respected and stay sanitised in the ones where I’m muted.

I can learn to distance myself from people who intentionally de-value me. No time or head space for them anymore!

I will give advice if and when asked for it but if it's not taken I'm gonna keep moving and not get offended.

Boundaries may be seem old fashioned to others but hey I thrive on them so in a relationship with me there will be healthy boundaries!

I will not stop loving people, caring for them and going the extra mile but my needing their praise or validation - No way !! No one will ever have that power over me again.

Are you like me? Do you crave validation? Do you need people to bestow value on you for you to feel valued or do you inherently know just how valuable you are?

Any gadget or toy has a price on its label given to it by its creators because they know exactly how much material and labour went into it. If you or I were asked to price the gadget we might charge too less (if you're very hard to please) or too much (if you're fancy like that) . Who better to ask for validation than the one who created you and me? Am I right? So why do we waste time looking to our spouses, children, parents, siblings or in laws for that validation. Like Lauren Daigle says 'Look up Child'. (Listen to the song on Spotify by clicking the link)

No one, and I mean no one can add or subtract value from you. You are a child of God make no mistake about that. He created you, gave you purpose and watches you with awestruck joy and wondrous pride as you take those tiny faltering steps towards your future you.